Who has two thumbs and is flying out of LaGuardia on US Airways next Wednesday?

This guy.

This guy right fucking here.

Lovely.

Your Excel code for the year...

=IF(Z4="fold and staple",1,0)*G4

I am a super, god damn genius.

( My Pleasant Valley House... )

Looks like we're in the music business again. In attempt to warm up some of my stuff before playing it in Rhode Island (for those interested) the birthday sessions.

Jury Duty
Barcodes and Belt Buckles
They give you one and ask you to remove the other
You are now a number
But it's an odd thing
Perhaps a New England thing
Waiting with these 30 complete ( Read more... )

Bachelor parties, am I right folks? Fuck...

This one involved a "party bus". Which oddly enough had a stripper pole in it. But wait a second. Don't normal buses have "stripper poles" in them? As well as the subway cars? And fire stations?

Regardless, it was a bachelor party, there was some sort of pole available, obviously something was going to ( Read more... )

where after the closing arguments, each juror silently prayed to be called as an alternate.

It's the most, wonderful time...of the year. JURY DUTY! Got the notice about two months ago and I was somewhat happy. Two reasons:

A) It'd be a vacation from work.
B) I use to like Law & Order and was hoping Jerry Orbach would be one of the arresting officers if I was assigned to a jury, because he rocks.

Then I remembered he died.
Then I cried.
Then I  ( Read more... )

Sometimes in life you have to remind yourself why you don't hang out and drink in the North Shore. The main reason being, it's the North fucking Shore. It's the sound really, that horrible fucking sound. It's not the Queen's English, it's probably not even English at this point. It's it own country with a national language that no one ever asked ( Read more... )

The blood bath continues....

401k Balance Sheet
Beginning Balance as of 01/01/2008 $10,662.98 Your Contributions $1,962.53 Employer Contributions $1,567.91 Interest $20.18 Change in Market Value -$2,575.85 Current Balance as of 09/09/2008 $11,637.75
Personal Rate of Return from 01/01/2008 to 09/09/2008 is -19.7%

He was the kind of man who grew a beard to quit smoking.

1. Parts are no longer broken, they're missing.

Our plane out of Logan was delayed to due a part being "missing". Not broken, missing. Which is somewhat more disturbing. Like it walked out on strike or called in sick when it was hung over.

2. One alcoholic against the world.

Sometimes, you just gotta stop talking.

3. New Mexico: We're Not Actually All ( Read more... )